52 Things I’m Thankful for on My 52nd Birthday

52-highsOne thing about nearly dying is that it makes you appreciate life more. It may sound cliche, but there was a time not too long ago when I wasn’t sure I’d make it to 52. And even though it’s not a nice round number like 50 or 55, I still feel like celebrating simply waking up for another birthday. Happy 52nd birthday to me.

Even for those who did not have a near-death experience, the world sure seems to be coming apart at the seams. Things feel pretty dire. We have a lunatic in the White House. The world looks to Germany for moral authority. The climate is changing so rapidly that huge chunks of the polar caps are falling off and melting into the sea. The American wage gap is getting wider. Americans are getting wider. Kids keep getting gunned down at schools. The U.S. Men’s National Team didn’t make the World Cup!

Yet even still, perhaps because I have been consciously trying to pay less attention to politics and the news, I feel like I have a lot for which to be thankful (including knowing how not to end a sentence with a preposition).

I’m not really going to tick off 52 things I’m thankful for as I turn 52 (not because I can’t come up with 52, but because I don’t think you’d read through a list that long). I am, however, going to hit some high notes.

  • First and foremost, my heart is strong and while it will never be fully recovered it is pumping within the normal range (ejection fraction at 55). My arteries are clear. I recovered completely from the little stroke I had last year with no permanent deficiencies. Aside from a few normal age-related aches and pains, I’m in pretty good health given my history.
  • I have a loving wife/best friend who treats me like a king despite my often whiny personality. In a few months, we’ll be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary.
  • We have raised a remarkable son who at 20 is wise beyond his years. He may still be trying to find himself, but he’ll never be lost.
  • I live in a wonderful town in a perfect townhouse in a great neighborhood.
  • For the first time in my life, I can truly say I love my job. I had a great year raising money for the American Heart Association and I am honored to be able to do this work for a living. Strange way to find a calling, but I’ll take it.
  • Despite some ups and down this year, my mom, dad, and sister are doing well (as well as can be expected given they all live in Tucson now).
  • We’re doing well enough financially to afford to travel more and are starting to tick off our bucket list one by one.
  • I have great friends both online and in real life.
  • The heart attack support network I founded on Facebook has grown from a handful of survivors in Phoenix to nearly 3,500 across the globe.
  • I serve my community as a board member of a great nonprofit that unites, strengthens and advances the state’s nonprofit sector.
  • The Suns have the first pick in the NBA Draft tonight and will finally land the “big man” they’ve always needed. The Padres are not winning, but they are on the right track with a great young core and some special players almost ready for the big leagues. The Cardinals drafted a QB of the future. No team I’ve ever rooted for has ever won a world championship — but that will change in the next few years. Go Cardinals. Go Padres. Go Suns.
  • I have found a new passion in soccer and have become a rabid fan. Seriously, I wake up early every weekend during the season to watch Arsenal play.

All this is to say that I’m living a great life. It’s nothing like the life I imagined I’d be living in my 50s, but it’s great nonetheless. And despite world events, my own life is really good. And I’m grateful. And I need to remind myself to share that fact more often, and certainly not just on my birthday.

I’m a heart attack and stroke survivor and I’m grateful for everything I have in this world.

It’s Time to Quit the Lonely Heart’s Club

I was struck by a report yesterday in the Daily Mail about a new study that says lonely people are twice as likely to die from heart problems. You can read the report for yourself, but the study found, among other things, that:

  • Lack of social support may cause people to not take medication correctly
  • Loneliness increases people’s risk of anxiety and depression by three times
  • Approximately 42.6 million adults over 45 in the U.S. report being lonely
  • In the U.K., 3.9 million people say the television is their main source of company

Loneliness is a strong emotion and I’m not surprised it can cause health issues, but being lonely makes you twice as likely to die from heart problems? I guess you really can die of a broken heart.

“Loneliness is a strong predictor of premature death, worse mental health, and lower quality of life in patients with cardiovascular disease, and a much stronger predictor than living alone, in both men and women.” – Study author Anne Vinggaard Christensen, Copenhagen University

The caveat here is that the study looked at patients with existing cardiovascular disease, and I can tell you from experience that having a friend or partner to talk to when you have a health issue is critical. But this also speaks to finding a support network when you have a heart attack or frankly any health crisis.

Following my heart attack at age 45, I couldn’t find anyone to talk to that shared the same experience with me. There were support groups, but the most prominent one was full of patients much older than me. During cardiac rehab, I was the youngest patient by 20 years. I felt alone, which is what led me to start my own support group specifically for young heart attack survivors. The group started small, but today the Under 55 Heart Attack Survivors Group on Facebook has grown to more than 3,300 members from all over the world. The American Heart Association also has a support network.

Loneliness is a tricky thing. I can’t imagine how I’d have gotten through my health issues without the love and support of my wife and son and my extended family. I know survivors who don’t have a significant other and that fact alone can make things so much worse. There’s nobody to go with you to doctor appointments. Nobody to celebrate with when you reach a milestone. Nobody to lean on when things don’t go as planned. Being a heart attack survivor is something I deal with every day — I’m so fortunate I don’t have to deal with it alone.

That said, I probably don’t do as good a job as I should simply getting out of the house to meet with friends. Men have a harder time making close friends than women, I think. There’s something very offputting about calling up a guy you don’t know that well and asking him to join you for a ballgame or a movie. Most men, and probably a lot of women, only have a handful of really close friends. I mean, lots of people checked in on me in the days and months following my heart attack, but after a while that petered out and now I often can’t find a guy to go to a concert with or have a drink with.

It’s definitely a two-way street though. If you want friends you have to be willing to take the first step. Excuses are easy to find. Maybe he or she has young kids and you don’t. Or maybe you live just a bit too far away for it to be convenient. Or maybe you like country music and she prefers hip hop. Or maybe I’m just overthinking it!

Recently I’ve tried to push myself on this front. In the past few months, I initiated lunch with a guy I didn’t know that well. I invited a newer friend to a concert I wanted to attend. I launched a monthly book club. I’m trying.

bocci
A 2017 New York Times piece says bocce ball is the secret to living a long life

I think a lot of the difficulty stems from our busy lives in general. But I’m now at a point where I don’t have a young child in the home and I have a job that doesn’t keep me up working at all hours of the night. I do think, though, that there’s something of a societal issue going on. One-quarter of the U.S. population lives alone. And we’re working more. And if we’ve got kids we’re running them around to karate and soccer and swim practice. There’s also been a decline in civic activity in general.

In 2000 author Robert Putnam wrote Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. In the book, Putnam reported that “we’ve become increasingly disconnected from family, friends, neighbors, and our democratic structures.” By this, he means we’ve stopped joining clubs and social groups. In fact, in the 25 years prior to the book coming out, Americans had a 58% drop in attending clubs, a 43% drop in family dinners and a 35% drop in having friends over. I don’t know too many people my age who are involved in Kiwanis or the Jaycees, or who participate in sports leagues or bridge clubs.

I do think there’s a growing trend in these activities among millennials and generation Z. I have some young friends at work who are in a kickball league (how very millennial). And maybe some of you are doing things and I’m just not aware. I have at least one friend who goes lawn bowling (and yes, he’s under the age of 80). I have another friend who is very active in Rotary. But in general, I think the trends outlined by Putnam haven’t changed much since 2000.

All this is to say, there’s a cure for loneliness and all it requires is for us to step out from behind the computer and go outside. And lest you think loneliness is not a health concern, this study surely proves otherwise. And for me, I just have to think about that “buzz” I have when I come home from dinner with friends or a concert with a buddy. Those are endorphins and increasing them releases stress and is good for your heart.

I enjoy alone time as much as the next guy — maybe even a little more than the next guy. But I can also tell when I’ve been hanging out by myself too much. I actually get sad and mopey. I need to remind myself to make time to engage with others in the real world.

What do you do to ensure you spend quality time with other human beings? Are you good at being the one who initiates a dinner or a coffee meetup? I’m going to keep looking for new ways to get out there and now I can say I’m doing it for my heart.

Anyone up for bocce ball?

Regrowing Damaged Organs no Longer Stuff of Science Fiction

timeismuscleI have only one regret from my heart attack experience in 2011, and that is that I waited two days from the onset of symptoms to seek treatment. Aside from the fact that I very likely could have died during those 48 hours, the time I waited very likely caused more damage to my heart than if I had gone to the hospital right away. In the heart attack business, time is muscle.

It’s a sobering experience to hear your cardiologist say that part of your heart is dead, but that’s exactly what happens to your heart when oxygen is cut off. In my case, I lost about 15 percent of my heart muscle in the area at the lower left ventricle known as the apex. Because of this dead muscle, I have what the doctor calls left ventricular hypokinesis. Basically, it means my heart doesn’t contract as much as most people’s hearts resulting in a lower ejection fraction.

This means my heart doesn’t pump out as much blood as a normal heart, which is no big deal until it gets too low (an ejection fraction of 50 percent or lower is considered reduced) and if it gets down below 40 or so it means you are in heart failure. At the time of my heart attack my ejection fraction was around 35-40, but today it’s in the 55-60 range which is at the low end of normal. Lucky me.

Every cardiologist I’ve seen, and everything I’ve read, says heart muscle damage is permanent. But as college football broadcaster Lee Corso says — not so fast my friends!

Medical science is progressing at a breakneck speed. Just think about coronary stents for example. It seems like they’ve been around forever, but the first one was inserted into a human in 1986 (just 32 years ago). If I had the very same heart attack in 1985 I’d be walking around with a 90 percent blocked left anterior (LAD) descending artery (also known as the widowmaker) instead of having three stents. Or more than likely I’d be dead.

Which brings me to that dead heart muscle. This week in the magazine Nature I read about a new procedure that will be done on three patients in Japan. Doctors at Osaka University will take thin sheets of tissue derived from cells and graft them onto diseased human hearts. The team expects that the tissue sheets can help to regenerate the organ’s muscle when it becomes damaged.

If this works as it has in lab animals, these doctors will in effect reverse thousands of years of medical orthodoxy. Time may be muscle, but science is more powerful than current knowledge.

This experiment is part of a field known as regenerative medicine. Rejuvenating or regrowing human tissue has limitless possibilities for medical science, and while the field is in its infancy it feels like every day we hear about a new breakthrough. Just a few years ago scientists grew a complete human bladder outside the body, and we’re not very far from the ability to grow more complex organs to use for transplantation. How long before scientists can grow a human heart that can be used to replace failing ones? The stuff of “science fiction” is no longer outside the realm of possibility.

I recently read Never Let Me Go by Nobel Prize winner Kazou Ishiguro. Spoiler alert: it’s about clones who are created to harvest replacement organs. But given the direction of real science, the dystopian world laid out by Ishiguro will not be needed!

This is a long way of stating that I am grateful for medical science. In fact, science is the closest thing I have to a religion. I put my faith in regenerative medicine, CRISPR, biotechnology, immunology, and everything else that involves the scientific method. My heroes are scientists, doctors, and inventors. They bring me peace of mind and hope for the future.

My heart damage is probably not severe enough to warrant stem cell therapy or regenerative cell sheets. But it’s nice to know if things get worse for me, or as science continues to progress, my heart could easily be fixed. Permanently.

I ♥ science!

Heart Attack Survivors Should Embrace Prescription Drug Therapy

colors colours health medicine

It’s amazing to me how many people I’ve met in my life who complain about prescription drugs. They treat headaches with meditation, muscle pain with acupuncture and guzzle herbal tea for everything from indigestion to toe fungus. In America, measles is making a comeback because uninformed parents refuse to inoculate their kids because some quack on the Internet referenced a flawed study in a phoney medical journal. Yes, some “alternative” treatments have therapeutic value. But you’ve had a heart attack — it’s time to put your big boy pants on and take your meds. Former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson famously said “everyone has a plan until they get hit.” That’s how I feel about people who refuse to take the life-saving drugs available today. Think about how lucky we are to live in a time when researchers have developed extraordinary medicines to keep us alive. There’s a reason why your grandfather died after a heart attack when he was 45 — all he had to treat his diseased heart was aspirin and Alka-Seltzer.

If you are one of those lucky people that has gotten through life having barely having to take even a simple Tylenol for a headache, congratulations. But if you’ve had a heart attack, that part of your life is over. The sooner you get over the fact that you have to buy one of those pill cases with the days of the week on them to keep track of all your medications the better. Seriously, what’s the big deal? Take your medicine.

Current treatment methodologies for heart attack patients have drastically reduced the risk of death from 30% in the 1960s to approximately 3–4% today. Part of this is due to medical advancements like angioplasty and stents, and part of it is due to the discovery of new medications. Historically speaking, it wasn’t that long ago that first-line treatment for heart disease included bloodletting or mercury.

In truth, it’s a glorious time to be alive. Medical advancements in the 20th century have had a significant impact on the health of humans and one need only look at life expectancy to see just how significant we’re talking about. At the start of the 20th century, according to the World Health Organization the average global life expectancy was 31. 100 years later, it is 65.6 and in some countries it is as high as 80. The reason for this dramatic improvement is multifold, but some of the key reasons include the eradication of infectious diseases like smallpox, polio and leprosy and the decline in deaths from diseases like measles. In fact, in just the past century science introduced vaccines against the six most deadly childhood killers (polio, diphtheria, measles, mumps, rubella, and chickenpox). Advances in childbirth safety made a huge impact too. Other important advancements included the use of randomized clinical trials, vitamin supplements, insulin treatment for diabetics, chemotherapy, x-rays, and of course the introduction of antibiotics. In the heart diseases realm, the past 100 years have seen the introduction of bypass surgery, heart transplants, and pacemakers to name a few. And in terms of noninvasive treatment, we’ve seen the development of numerous drugs to treat all aspects of heart disease.

All this is to say, depending on your specific condition, today’s medical professionals have a huge arsenal from which to choose to treat your heart disease. And yes, with many medications there are side effects, but the side effects are far outweighed by the success of these drug treatments. To be sure, some of us will experience a side effect that is too severe to live with, but even then there are both mainstream and alternative treatments.

I am now nearly six years post heart attack, and my heart is doing great; in fact, I suspect it’s in better shape today than it was before my heart attack. I attribute this to following a good diet, exercising, and taking my meds. Yeah, I had to buy two pill boxes to keep track of everything I’m taking (one for the morning and one for the evening) but what’s the alternative? I’ll tell you what the alternative is — dying.

The Fish Oil Conundrum

It’s hard enough to know what to eat to lower your risk of heart disease, but it’s even more complicated to know what, if any, supplements to take. If I had a nickel for every claim I’ve seen on the Internet about herbs, essential oils, vitamins, and other supplements that help your heart, well, I’d have a shit ton of nickels. I’m a skeptic by nature, but beyond that I prefer to act based on fact versus hyperbole.

But one thing we know for sure is that fish oil is good for your heart. Right? Well, the real answer is — it depends on what you mean by “good for your heart.” Despite all the studies done over the last few years, there is no proof that taking omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) will decrease your risk of having a heart attack. OK, well, fish oil lowers cholesterol at least, right?

“If you’re taking supplements like fish oil or a multi-vitamin in the hopes of improving your cholesterol counts, save your money.” — Cleveland Clinic

It turns out that fish oil has been proven to lower your triglycerides, which is a significant risk factor for heart disease. But it does not lower your cholesterol. Which I think would be a surprise to most people. It certainly was to me.

I had very high triglycerides, which I believe was one of the main factors that led to my heart attack at age 45. So in the years following my heart attack I started taking fish oil supplements and that, along with significantly decreasing my consumption of bread and other processed carbs, lowered my triglycerides dramatically. How dramatically? Prior to my heart attack and before drug therapy to lower it, once or twice my trigs were measured well north of 500. The medical consensus on triglycerides suggest they should be below 150. These days my trigs have been consistently around 100.

But then about a year ago a blood test showed they had crept back up to around 175. I had been slacking on my diet, eating a bit more carbs and sugar than I should have been, so I redoubled my efforts to stay away from processed carbs and sugar and doubled down on my fish oil, going from 2,000 mg a day to 4,000 mg a day. My trigs immediately nosedived back down under 100.

All’s well, yes? As college football commentator Lee Corso says — not so fast my friend. In the months following my increased fish oil consumption, my LDL cholesterol started creeping up. From 35, to 42, to 48 to my most recent results in which my LDLs came in at 59. Still lower than the recommendations, but over about a one year period that’s a 70 percent increase!

Was I doing something else differently that could cause my LDL levels to skyrocket? I hadn’t changed any of my medications. I was eating more unsaturated fat, but that is good fat (avocado, olive oil, nuts, etc.). Could it be the fish oil? Can fish oil actually raise LDL levels? If so, how come I didn’t know this before upping my daily dose by 2,000 mg a day?

Off to the Internet I went and sure as shit, there is evidence that high doses of fish oil can increase LDL levels.

“Despite their excellent ability to reduce triglycerides naturally, EPA and DHA actually increase LDL cholesterol, concerning some doctors and medical researchers.” — University Health News

Sometimes no matter what you do you can’t win! Something I was doing successfully to lower my triglycerides may be raising my bad cholesterol. While I’m not 100 percent sure fish oil is the culprit of my increased LDLs, there’s one way to find out — take less fish oil and retest my blood. I have an appointment with my doctor this week to discuss just that and I’ll report back on his take on the matter. In the meantime, if you are one of the nearly 20 million Americans taking fish oil be sure to keep an eye on your LDL levels.

The One Thing You Should Do Today if You’re at Risk for a Heart Attack

1_lp5iquleQM96kgSkir-iegAs a heart attack survivor, I’ve had the opportunity to speak to hundreds of people about my experience. Whether I’m sharing the story over dinner with friends or blogging about the day of my cardiac event, one particular question always seems to pop up: what can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen to me?

People have preconceived notions about who is at risk for a heart attack and unfortunately these assumptions are usually very wrong. Most of us think heart attacks only happen to overweight people, or sedentary people, or smokers. People look at me and see themselves and it freaks them out. True, I didn’t have any outwardly apparent risks for heart disease, but below the surface I was a ticking time bomb. My triglycerides were significantly elevated. My high-density lipoprotein (HDL or good cholesterol) was low. My blood sugar was borderline high. My family history was chock-full of heart disease. I had what is commonly known as Metabolic Syndrome or Syndrome X — a cluster of conditions that increase the risk of heart disease, stroke, and diabetes.

Metabolic syndrome occurs when a person has three or more of the following measurements:

  • Abdominal obesity (Waist circumference of greater than 40 inches in men, and greater than 35 inches in women)
  • Triglyceride level of 150 milligrams per deciliter of blood (mg/dL) or greater
  • HDL cholesterol of less than 40 mg/dL in men or less than 50 mg/dL in women
  • Systolic blood pressure (top number) of 130 millimeters of mercury (mm Hg) or greater, or diastolic blood pressure (bottom number) of 85 mm Hg or greater
  • Fasting glucose of 100 mg/dL or greater

I had three of the above symptoms, all hidden below the surface. And I knew about it. And I tried to fix it on and off for years by adjusting my diet and exercising more. But I still had a heart attack at 45.

What could I have done to avoid having a heart attack?

When people ask me that question (and they always do), I say the same thing: if you have three or more of the signs of Metabolic Syndrome, or a family history of heart disease, and are over the age of 40 — go get a coronary artery calcium (CAC) scan.

Right now you’re probably thinking how come you’ve never heard of this test. Is this something new? It’s not new, and has been around since the early 90s, but for a long time it has been seen by many cardiologists as not reliable enough to recommend for their patients. But that is changing, as discussed in a newly published article by Harvard Health Publishing, and as evidenced by the growing number of hospitals and diagnostic labs that offer the test.

“CAC results can help identify a person’s possible risk for heart attack or stroke, even if that person doesn’t have the obvious risk factors or symptoms,” says Dr. Jorge Plutzky, director of preventive cardiology at Harvard-affiliated Brigham and Women’s Hospital. “It can be a way for some people to get the necessary treatment early and hopefully head off a serious cardiac event.”

If I’d had a CAC at a local hospital prior to having a heart attack on Oct. 15, 2011 it’s very likely the test would have shown that I had a severe blockage in my left anterior descending artery. Instead of having the heart attack that nearly killed me and permanently damaged my heart, the test results would have tipped off doctors that I was in danger and they could have gone in and stented the artery before the damage was done.

I’m not saying everyone should run out and get a CAC. But if you are at risk for heart disease it’s a valuable tool in the arsenal and it just might save your life. And while insurance companies aren’t yet sold on its value (and since when have insurance companies cared about your health), it’s a relatively inexpensive test and in most places you don’t even need a referral from a doctor. That’s right, you can use Google to find a test location near you, make an appointment, and plop down less than $100 for a 15 minute non-invasive test that might save your life.

That seems like a small price to pay for peace of mind.

Heart Attack? That Was So Six Months Ago

Today is the six-month anniversary of my heart attack. Milestones seem like a good time to reflect a little, so here are some random thoughts:

  • Thinking back to the early days of my recovery, it feels like I have traveled a “life marathon” since then. So much has happened, both physically and emotionally. Truth is the emotional has been more difficult.
  • Health wise I have made tremendous progress. Without getting too technical, my ejection fraction has gone from “about 30-35” in the days following my heart attack to “about 45” six months later. This measurement means my heart is working much more efficiently than it was at the time of my M.I. and is now pretty close to the normal range of “50-75.” My cholesterol is way down (much lower than yours I bet!) thanks to diet and medication. I have had no medical issues since my heart attack and in fact I’m probably stronger now than I was prior to the attack thanks to stronger blood flow through the three stents in my left anterior descending (LAD) artery. In other words, I feel great physically.
  • I am exercising without any issues 5-6 times per week.
  • The mental rehabilitation has been more complicated. Most days I feel great. Happy to be alive and feeling like I have the whole world in front of me. Some days I freak out that I had a heart attack and worry that I’m going to drop dead at any moment even though that is extremely unlikely. My cardiologist said he had a higher chance of having a heart than I do now. Still, it’s hard not to think about how close I came to death and how scary it would be to leave my family behind.
  • Some days I wake up feeling anxious even though there may be no apparent reason for the anxiety. It’s a nasty thing anxiety. If you’ve ever struggled with it you know it can manifest itself in physical ways including chest tightness, the inability to concentrate and even heart racing or palpitations. The anxiety comes less often now but it can strike at any time. If I seem short with you one day maybe I’m having one of those days. 😉
  • Some of my friends and co-workers seem to be worried that I have to avoid stress or I’m going to have another heart attack. To them I say thank you for your concern, but stress didn’t cause my heart attack and stress is not a big issue for me these days. Like everyone I have some days that are more stressful than others, but don’t baby me — I’m not going to drop dead from stress.
  • The biggest (and in some ways only significant) change in my life has been food. If you believe as I do that food can kill you and food can heal you then it seems like an obvious thing — eat well and you’ll be well. But it’s not that easy. There are three things I have to look out for — saturated fat, cholesterol and the biggest one, sodium. Lowering fat and cholesterol is really quite simple. I stay away from red meat and fatty foods. Simple. Sodium on the other hand is a bitch. Why is sodium so important? Well, sodium makes you retain water and that forces your heart to work harder and your blood pressure increases. You don’t want that, as a heart patient or as a normal person. It’s one of the biggest reasons why heart disease is the number one killer of men and women in America. The average American gets as much as 10 times the daily recommended allowance of 2,500 mg per day. As a heart patient, I’m supposed to keep my intake to around 1,200-1,500 mg per day. It’s not so much the added salt that troubles me (I don’t use any), but it’s the sodium in foods that you may not know about. Cooking at home makes things easier, but eating out is no fun. Do yourself a favor (and I won’t preach anymore) and check out the nutritional charts online for some of your favorite restaurants. It will scare the shit out of you. Before my heart attack one of my favorite places to eat was Rubios, where I’d typically have a shrimp burrito. The burrito has 2,200 mg of sodium, nearly double my daily allowance. Nowadays I still go to Rubios but I have the salmon or mahi mahi tacos on corn tortillas (190 mg of sodium per taco).
  • Eating out has become a social occasion for me rather than an eating event. For instance, tonight I am going to a concert with friends and we’re meeting beforehand for a meal. I checked out the online menu of the place we’re going and there’s really nothing I can eat, mostly because they don’t list their nutritional values on their site. I’m going to eat something at home beforehand and enjoy my time with my friends over a beer. This is, as my lovely wife likes to say, my new normal. I nearly lost my life because of food and I’m not about to give it a second chance to kill me. Most people who have heart attacks have more than one — I am never going to have another one because I am willing to sacrifice being a foodie for being alive. Yes, it’s a tough sacrifice, but I feel like I don’t have a choice. Not everyone who has suffered a heart attack makes this choice (some don’t even stop smoking), but I have too much to live for to let a little thing like food stop me from enjoying my life. I will miss you NYPD pizza and Rubios shrimp burritos…have fun killing someone else!
  • Lately I have thought about becoming a vegan. It is clear to me that a vegan diet is healthier for humans, and the research I’ve seen (including the film Forks Over Knives) makes a pretty compelling case. I was a pescaterian prior to my heart attack, meaning the only meat I ate was fish, but I ate a crap load of dairy and dairy is loaded with bad fat. From the way I’m eating now it’s not a stretch to get to veganism. Maybe if I make the decision it will take some of the stress away from worrying about meal preparation and eating out. It would certainly simplify it. I’m willing to listen to my vegan friends out there. Sell me.
  • I need a hobby. I love to read and watch films, but I need something more active. Any suggestions? Golf is fun but it’s expensive and it’s about to get hot in Phoenix. I’d love to go fishing if anyone out there enjoys it and wants to bring me along. I have a rod. Bowling maybe? At least it’s indoors which is a bonus here in Phoenix. I don’t really have an active hobby and frankly I’m a little bored in the evenings and on weekends. I certainly don’t want to work more!
  • I have been trying to be more active with my volunteering. I’ve always volunteered and done pro bono work, but these days it’s calling me. I’ve started to do some work with the Heart Association, helping them with PR and social media. I’m also looking into ways to be more involved with what my company has to offer in terms of corporate social responsibility. Apollo Group does a nice job in the community and I’ve already reached out to some folks in our external affairs department for ideas. I’m looking for something more in-depth than just doling out food or cleaning up trails — I’m thinking board level or committee chair. Send me your ideas. When I have been an active volunteer in the past it has come with many rewards.
  • I’m going to do more travelling with Leslie and Connor. I lost all of my vacation and sick time when I was on disability, so we haven’t done much travelling in the past six months. We did spend a wonderful weekend in Coronado at New Years and we’re planning something small for Memorial Day weekend. In July we’re going to go to Chicago to meet family and see some sites, and then after my vacation gets refreshed in August I think we’re going to plan something special for fall break. We’d also like to do something spectacular next summer — perhaps Europe. Having future things to look forward to makes life worth living.

Well, that’s about it for now. Consider this my therapy blog post! Six months post heart attack and frankly I think I’m doing great. People tell me I look great, which makes me wonder how I looked before October 15, 2011. I have lost about 20 pounds as a result of my healthy diet and I am exercising a ton so maybe I do look good! Oh, and methinks the goatee has outlived its usefulness so I think it’s coming off today to mark the anniversary. Hearing Josh Brolin make fun of goatees as “so 90s” last night on SNL was the clincher.

Thanks for reading.

The Heart of the Matter

leslieValentine’s Day is a silly made up Hallmark holiday designed to con men into buying flowers and candy, not to mention a corny greeting card inscribed with someone else’s sentiment. When you’ve been married for nearly 18 years, it’s hard to take Valentine’s Day too seriously. I can never figure out what to do for my wife on Valentine’s Day. She doesn’t eat candy and flowers seem so cliché. Jewelry is out of the question because she isn’t a big jewelry person and what she does wear belonged to her dead mother so how can I compete with that? This year I can’t even really take her out to dinner because I can’t eat much of anything on my post heart attack diet. I’ve been thinking about it for a few days now, and what I’ve decided to do this year is give her a gift from my heart — hell, it is my heart.

Dear Leslie,

Tomorrow is the four-month anniversary of my heart attack and I have made so much progress it is remarkable. But what is even more remarkable is how much you have been there for me. I always thought wedding vows were just a formality, but I have a new appreciation for “in sickness and in health.” It’s one thing to stand by your partner in tough times, but there are degrees of being there — not everyone is capable of giving as much as you have given to me over these past few months. From the moment Dr. Kerr called you from her office and told you I was headed to the emergency room you changed your entire life for me. Hell, you beat the ambulance to the ER and was waiting for me when I arrived! At that moment I put my faith in you to make decisions about my health because I knew after 17 years of marriage I could trust you more than anyone with life and death decisions. I never once felt scared because I knew you were there for me, which is why I seemed to be so cavalier about the whole experience. I was scared inside, but I also had a tremendous peace about things because I knew you were going to take care of me.

In the days and weeks that followed you took the bull by the horns and made my care your top priority. You didn’t just sit by my side, you owned this crisis and became an overnight expert on heart health. You researched all of my medicines and asked a million questions of my healthcare team, all so you’d know how best to take care of me. And then there was the food! I don’t think people understand how critical food is in the first six months post heart attack, but you do. Reading labels is only the start…but you went so far above and beyond the call of duty its astounding. I don’t think I had to cook a single meal in the first few weeks, and even today you make my eating life so much more amazing than it would have been had I been in charge. I don’t think there’s any doubt had I been alone on this journey I would be eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every meal. In the past few months you have made — from scratch — a variety of meals fit for a heart-healthy king. Pizza. Lasagna. Sweet and Sour Chicken. Chili. Soups. Fish. Casseroles. Grilled cheese. Even hamburgers this week! All low fat and low sodium. This is no small task and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. And have I mentioned the bread. I had no idea that when you bought a bread machine I’d be eating every kind of low sodium bread under the sun. Rye. Pumpernickel. Wheat. Sourdough. Homemade bagels and buns! You are not normal and I am so damn lucky.

Not every wife would have come with me to all my doctors appointments, or reminded me to take my pills (and there are so many of them!). When I started cardiac rehab you came three days a week with me until I settled in and got comfortable. You are one of the only spouses who regularly attends the learning sessions so you can have even more knowledge to take care of me. But it’s so much more than my physical health that you’ve taken care of these past four months. You’ve managed to do all of this while still making me laugh, and going on walks with me, and taking me out to restaurants and parties and friends houses. You planned my first post heart attack “vacation” with an incredible weekend for all of us in Coronado over New Years and while it could have been so stressful it was instead a new beginning and it shed the light on our future together. We can travel and eat out and enjoy the life we were meant to share together. You even encouraged me to buy the expensive impractical car and you haven’t complained yet about my new (is it permanent?) facial hair!

It hasn’t always been easy. But I really haven’t had too many down periods since all of this shit hit the fan. On the rare occasions when I’ve felt overwhelmed, you’ve simply been there for me to talk to or to hug. You have been so strong through all of this, and though I know you’ve had your moments as well, they have been few and far between. You are such a strong person…I could only hope to be as strong as you someday.

Through sickness and in health. We have been together for 20 years and it hasn’t always been easy. Relationships are hard work, and there is a reason why most marriages don’t make it. But through it all, you have been there for me. This may have been the biggest crisis we’ve had as a couple, but there were plenty of smaller ones. The common theme though is that you always rise to the occasion. Whether it was Connor’s health issues or our ill-fated move to Georgia or my career fiascos, it never mattered to you — you simply did what comes natural to you and took charge. I think you are the most remarkable woman on the planet and I don’t know what I did to deserve you. You are the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring, sexy, amazing woman in the world and you’re my Valentine. And I’m your Valentine. I wouldn’t want to be with any other woman in the world…ever.

I love you and Happy Valentine’s Day.

Lenny